Here’s hoping I don’t have a panic attack tomorrow

I have an Open MRI tomorrow.  I’m hoping they will be able to tell what exactly is going on with the my spine.  The last time I had an MRI was 2005.  I had originally gone to an urgent care and the doctor said when he looked at the scan that it looked like I had a bulging on my spine or fused bones.  Hopefully this time I’ll get a more definitive diagnosis.  I’ve wondered over the last week if my hand problem might be connected to my back issue. 

I’m terrified at the idea of surgery.  I hate hospitals (there are sick people there!), petrified at the idea of being put to sleep (I might not wake up), I don’t want a scar, and I hear many times people who have back surgery never fully recover.

I’m hoping that whatever is wrong is fixable with PT, Acupuncture and other non-evasive methods. 

Things I miss….

  • Sleeping on my back.  I don’t know the last time I was able to sleep on my back (high school maybe?).
  • Walking for more than one mile at a time.
  • Not being in almost constant pain or discomfort.
  • Being able to stand w/0 pain.  It be nice to be able to go to a concert again.
  • Knitting!!!!!!!!
  • A job…Well not so much the working part, but having a pay cheque.  I haven’t worked in three years so it will be hard to get a job once I feel well enough.  I refuse to go back to retail and I can not sit in an office all day, so I’m not sure what I will do.

ETA: With (possibility) being more active, I’d be able to lose weight.  Which would be awesome !


4 thoughts on “Here’s hoping I don’t have a panic attack tomorrow

  1. Robyn says:

    Since Harry is going with you tomorrow, it will be easier. When I had my MRI, I found it best to keep my eyes closed, and with my fingers that were barel peeking out of the tube, to use them to touch another person’s fingers. Grounding myself to the outside world like that really, really helped.

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